I asked on my LinkedIn what you would like to see next in the newsletter and 82% of you voted for the Power of ‘NO!’ So here we are…
The concept of saying no is so interesting; because it should be so easy right?! It’s just 2 letters. Uttered in a short breath.
But it’s SO much more than those 2 letters.
It’s generations of conditioning showing and telling us that women need to be amicable and agreeable. Not to rock the boat or draw attention to ourselves. To abide by society but also to our husband’s, because let’s not forget that it was only in 1994 that rape within a marriage was deemed illegal.
We have been taught to value other people's needs and feelings above our own. To take on the caregiving responsibilities. To shoulder the domestic load. Adding kids into the mix also piles on the pressure.
We live in a society thriving on the notion of scarcity. So we feel we have to say yes to everything, to be grateful for what we are being asked, because these opportunities may not come around again.
And all of these things are ALOT.
They require reconditioning. Of how we see ourselves, how we think, how we react.
“The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything” Warren Buffet
But there is SO MUCH to be gained from saying no.
You take back your power and agency
You are demonstrating to yourself that you matter more than anyone else and that you are putting your needs over and above others.
That is some powerful stuff.
Boosting your self esteem and confidence
You ensure your core focus is on your priorities (not on someone elses)
In this ‘always on’ culture it is easy to fall down a rabbit hole doing something that takes you away from your goals and aspirations.
Saying no allows you to hold the space and time to focus on your priorities, moving you closer towards your goals and dreams
It shows you value your time
There are only 24 hours in a day and as Molly Mae famously said - we all have the same 24 hours as Beyonce (LOLS).
Our time is valuable. How we expend energy is valuable.
Time is our most valuable commodity and is non-renewable. Managing how we spend our time has a direct correlation to everything - our happiness, our evolution and our growth.
It’s an important step in boundary setting
Do you struggle with setting boundaries?!
If your answer is yes, then you aren’t alone.
So many of us struggle with setting boundaries but there are so many benefits to doing so.
It’s self care (but not in the instagram version that we see everyday of baths and candles)
It allows you to build trusting and healthy relationships with those around you
It builds your self worth
It shows people the rules of acceptability (and what that line is)
It allows you to communicate your needs
Often it’s the frankness of the word NO that prevents people from using it - so here are some sentences to help you say No in a different way (and get you to practise creating that muscle memory
"Unfortunately, I have too much to do today. I can help you another time"
"I can absolutely do that task, but it would mean re-prioritising what I am working on so it would mean I’m not able to complete XYZ"
"Sorry, I have already committed to something else. I hope you understand"
"Unfortunately, I cannot say 'yes' this time. I wish you luck in finding someone who can"
"This doesn't seem like a healthy decision for me. I will have to regretfully decline"
I’d love to know about your relationship with saying no - let me know over on LinkedIn or by email - emily@emilybuttoncoaching.com
